what's the good of that?

Yesterday in staff meeting we had a conversation about a theological issue that was a long time in coming. On a staff as large as Harmony's there is bound to be a wide range of opinion on various issues, and this is one of the few that is important enough to wrestle through together and have an 'official' opinion, I think.

A few of us have discussed this issue privately before and it has taken me, literally, years of thought, study, prayer and conversation to land where I am. Currently.

So, when the conversation began I was, mentally, prepared.

Now, if you know me, you know that 'arguing' is not particularly my gift. Not that I'm not good at making my point and shredding (at least in my opinion) my 'opponents.' I am pretty skilled at this.

What I am not so good at is doing this in a loving, respectful way.

Add to this the apparently obvious 'fact' that I just look grouchy in general.

I was told last week at Summer in the Son, my favorite week of the year ministrywise - a place where I feel nearly 'giddy' - that when I was walking around I had a scowl on my face and looked 'mean.'

My daughter told me this.

Terrific.

I spent the rest of the week creeping her, and possibly many other people, out by deliberately smiling whenever I knew or felt like someone may be looking at me.

After all, no one wants to look mean, just as a general practice.

The conversation took place yesterday only because our administrative pastor's 'plan a' didn't work - which kind of stinks because he was excited about it, and it seemed like it was going to be interesting.

As it began, I swore to myself, 'I am not going to say anything!' We've had these types of conversations about things I feel far less strongly about in the past, and I've come across angry enough then. Even when I wasn't.

But, you guessed it, about 10 minutes in I was asked, point blank, my opinion. And I gave it. Oh, I was good. I argued my point clearly, almost concisely, and coherently. Backed it up with Scripture. As far as I can tell I am most definitely in the 'right' on this one.

And when it was over I felt like someone needed to call 911.

A couple of my friends laughed at me.

One called me and arrogant ________.

And, he was right.

Because, when all is said and done, what's the good of being right (assuming I am...which may be completely untrue) and being completely disconnected emotionally from my team? These are the guys I'm going to want to have my back in the future should things get difficult. I'm going to want them to trust me to get theirs as well.

Why would they want to do that?

So...my prayer continues to be, 'Lord, tame my tongue. Help me to mark my words. Help me to speak as little as possible, and when I do, to use my words to edify rather than tear down.'

Because I see little value in being right and alone.